Out on the water

By chance we met that day, but it felt something more like fate. Like every accident, hiccup and suspected wrong turn, every relationship gone wrong, had all led me back here to you & it was the most glorious place to find myself. I felt free, I felt unstoppable, I felt like the real me before the world had gotten to me. The little hairs stood up on the back of my neck. There was instant electricity that sparked between us, it was like two magnets getting drawn together and everyone around us noticed the glow from our spark.

I never could have imagined something so perfect happening, but there I was starring into the eyes of this man, you, who turned my world around and made me feel incredible again. You made me feel like there was a possibility to be happy again in love. That maybe I could have my very own little piece of a fairy tale and meet a soul mate that just got me & I got them.

I want to be able to pause my story there & give a happily ever after but life has never seemed to be so straight with me or warm. Perhaps there is still a chance, or maybe my fears are proven correct once again. I think I merely speak too soon & get swept up in the emotion of it all when I feel so deeply. It catches me by surprise and I become shocked at my own reactions to things as my mind leaves my body.

I wish I had of just bit my tongue & held off on speaking out any of my feelings, or at least that you could have understood that it didn’t come out exactly how it was meant. I knew it wasn’t the time to say these things, but you queried my inner ramblings as I looked thoughtfully towards you. I just got carried away with the moment of feeling hope flood my heart again. No final decisions, expectations or grand romantic gestures. Just the feeling of peace, excitement and wonder. I was home.

I had been white knuckling my life for many years with all that has been thrust upon me in my life and so the build up and release of emotion was more than it should have been. I am the woman you met in that initial moment – Carefree, confident, relaxed, open & quick witted. I feel I stifled the spark and I’m sorry for that like you wouldn’t believe. Please don’t make a final judgement on us from one single glitch. Know that it was merely just a heart opening for the first time in many years & like a small child taking their first steps she stumbled & crashed head on carelessly into you.

She will be patient yet again, she is strong, she is independent and able. She was just naive & got caught up in the possibility of it all. She never meant to scare you

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