We had a whole conversation with our eyes. Maybe one day our lips would too. I want to know all of you & what every little glint meant in that moment. Like a fire works display they came alive as did my heart. The warmth from our souls shone through and for once, I felt safe, at peace. I was home.
Crimson stained tide, sailing the sheets you laid. Entangled bodies, glistening in empty desire. Breath quickens and hearts pound, flooding the satin as she blossoms. Lies uttered to keep the embrace & now the aftermath; mind circling wondering what the point to any of it was as she lay quivering. Why awaken something in a woman with lies? Lies of love, future and promise. Such a juvenile game to play. Games meh, for children. Wasting months on the clock, evaporating precious time in double time. Become a man & speak your truth or you will forever feel as inadequate as you obviously have become. Why attempt such things? Such a low brow way of clutching at a self. Your character a fraud even to yourself. What a sad little way to waste a life & a moment. Gone forever. Never existed & never was.
You are the moon. I’m at the whim of your too and fro. My heart strings dance as you tug them this way then that. I rise and fall gently at first, but the oceans in me have become more turbulent now with each ambivalent step you take.
I can no longer see the shoreline. I am at sea lost and riding the waves. The darkness has fallen around me so I can no longer see it coming, as the waves crash down on top of me. I’m drowning in this ocean tide. A rip taking me so far away from myself that I’m not sure I even have the strength to return. My arms and heart heavy now, trembling with exhaustion.
I’m looking for a life buoy to keep me afloat. But I know it’s only me who can save me now. I pluck up the courage to keep pulling my way through, each laboured stroke one moment closer to shore, but then each wave crashes and takes me miles more out to sea. Maybe now I just have to give in and let go, ride the rip tide to another shore, find myself on islands untouched so I can put my feet firmly back on solid ground. I need the sun to guide my way as the moons pull is still too strong.
I want something miraculous, something amazing. I want a love that swallows me up, but also lets us both walk free on our own. I want a rock that I can return to after a long hard day, where I know I will always have love & support and be able to give my love and support back.
I don’t want broken promises and lies. I don’t want superficial proclamations of love. I don’t want ego. I want it to be real, to be true, to be forever. No matter what happens in love, even if we were to part, I want the love to remain, to stay as solid as the foundation it was built upon. Relationships can end, but it doesn’t mean love is gone forever, only morphed into a new way of loving. A new perspective and frequency that enables the growth of both people once more.
I want fireworks, and butterflies, but more than this, I want comfort and to know the rug won’t be pulled out from beneath my feet, nor will I pull it from beneath yours.
I want soul connection & passionate sex, because we get so lost in each other’s eyes and feel what the other person is feeling. To breathe each other in, and intertwine. I want a soulmate, a best friend, an equal but a person that challenges me and makes me strive to be more, as well as being able to be the teacher and guide right back. I want us to grow together and help each other achieve that. I want to excel at life together and create a future that I am proud to have and share.
I want to be able to do the mundane, the ordinary, and still be the happiest and entertained I’ve ever been, as well as be able to explore and see the world in a different way and travel and touch and taste. I want to fill my senses with you and with the world around me. I want to be free and I want you to be free. I want us to choose each other every day not because we have to but because we want to.
I want to fall into your arms and know it will all be ok, to never have to question your intentions, I want to feel safe and be your safety. Let’s grow old together as we rise in love…