A place to hide

Escape before your heart’s alight

That’s what they said to me.

But what’s the point in living on

If love’s nowhere to be seen

Open up and pull me in

I want a space to hide

Away from all our struggles

Away from all these lies

You look right through, but don’t connect It’s like we’re playing games

You move in me. We make amends but

Now I’m cast to sea

Can’t help just what I’m feeling.

Can’t save you from the past.

But today’s the day I walk away

I hope this thing called love will last

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I’m a Trojan horse, a bruised petal.
Lucky, unlucky. Helpless, empowered.
I feel the poison tingle in my veins.

I’m as light as a feather, but as heavy as the mountain I tread upon.
My days so long, as my life seems so short.
Too tired to have shame, yet when I have the strength I blush.

Surprised by my see saw of emotion.
I keep on keeping on.
My spirit almost seems brighter from this dark, place I reside.

In the shadows light can grow, from a seed, rendered clean and pure of intention.
It seems more pristine in contrast to this heavy dark

I hold onto the light and try to pass the torch on. In doing so I see it shine brighter
Maybe this is the lesson learnt.
Give without measure to alleviate the darkness for good

Eye talk

We had a whole conversation with our eyes. Maybe one day our lips would too. I want to know all of you & what every little glint meant in that moment. Like a fire works display they came alive as did my heart. The warmth from our souls shone through and for once, I felt safe, at peace. I was home.

Crimson tide

Crimson stained tide, sailing the sheets you laid. Entangled bodies, glistening in empty desire. Breath quickens and hearts pound, flooding the satin as she blossoms. Lies uttered to keep the embrace & now the aftermath; mind circling wondering what the point to any of it was as she lay quivering. Why awaken something in a woman with lies? Lies of love, future and promise. Such a juvenile game to play. Games meh, for children. Wasting months on the clock, evaporating precious time in double time. Become a man & speak your truth or you will forever feel as inadequate as you obviously have become. Why attempt such things? Such a low brow way of clutching at a self. Your character a fraud even to yourself. What a sad little way to waste a life & a moment. Gone forever. Never existed & never was.

Ocean tides

You are the moon. I’m at the whim of your too and fro. My heart strings dance as you tug them this way then that. I rise and fall gently at first, but the oceans in me have become more turbulent now with each ambivalent step you take.

I can no longer see the shoreline. I am at sea lost and riding the waves. The darkness has fallen around me so I can no longer see it coming, as the waves crash down on top of me. I’m drowning in this ocean tide. A rip taking me so far away from myself that I’m not sure I even have the strength to return. My arms and heart heavy now, trembling with exhaustion.

I’m looking for a life buoy to keep me afloat. But I know it’s only me who can save me now. I pluck up the courage to keep pulling my way through, each laboured stroke one moment closer to shore, but then each wave crashes and takes me miles more out to sea. Maybe now I just have to give in and let go, ride the rip tide to another shore, find myself on islands untouched so I can put my feet firmly back on solid ground. I need the sun to guide my way as the moons pull is still too strong.

My days

I am a Trojan horse, a bruised petal. Lucky, unlucky. Helpless, empowered. I feel the poison tingle in my veins.

I’m as light as a feather, but as heavy as the mountain I tread upon. My days so long, as my life seems so short. Too tired to have shame, yet when I have the strength I blush.

Surprised by my own see-saw of emotion. I keep on keeping on. My spirit almost seems brighter from this dark place I reside. In the shadows a light can grow, from a seed, a spirit rendered clean and pure of intention and revolt.

A closed book

And then I realised, it was me who was unwilling to open up. I hadn’t been myself. No wonder my sense of self was being questioned by him. My sense of purpose. I hadn’t let anyone know who I am. But little did he know, I was everything and more. Not less. I was just waiting for him to meet me there with some gentleness. I held space

To feel

Confidence does not automatically mean you are competent. It does not mean you have your shit together. It can by all means show that you’re a lost little scared child that’s too fearful to show any vulnerability. In doing so you shut off and pretend not to feel, in the hopes you protect your soft little underbelly. Feeling is one of the strongest things we can do in life. To feel is to be human, to be fragile or to be heroic. Feeling will give you something back that hardening your fearful heart never will. You will grow. You might feel pain. But you will rise above it and become something even more magnificent than before. Never be afraid to feel, it’s the only pathway we have back to love – JLF

Rise in love

I want something miraculous, something amazing. I want a love that swallows me up, but also lets us both walk free on our own. I want a rock that I can return to after a long hard day, where I know I will always have love & support and be able to give my love and support back.

I don’t want broken promises and lies. I don’t want superficial proclamations of love. I don’t want ego. I want it to be real, to be true, to be forever. No matter what happens in love, even if we were to part, I want the love to remain, to stay as solid as the foundation it was built upon. Relationships can end, but it doesn’t mean love is gone forever, only morphed into a new way of loving. A new perspective and frequency that enables the growth of both people once more.

I want fireworks, and butterflies, but more than this, I want comfort and to know the rug won’t be pulled out from beneath my feet, nor will I pull it from beneath yours.

I want soul connection & passionate sex, because we get so lost in each other’s eyes and feel what the other person is feeling. To breathe each other in, and intertwine. I want a soulmate, a best friend, an equal but a person that challenges me and makes me strive to be more, as well as being able to be the teacher and guide right back. I want us to grow together and help each other achieve that. I want to excel at life together and create a future that I am proud to have and share.

I want to be able to do the mundane, the ordinary, and still be the happiest and entertained I’ve ever been, as well as be able to explore and see the world in a different way and travel and touch and taste. I want to fill my senses with you and with the world around me. I want to be free and I want you to be free. I want us to choose each other every day not because we have to but because we want to.

I want to fall into your arms and know it will all be ok, to never have to question your intentions, I want to feel safe and be your safety. Let’s grow old together as we rise in love…

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