Life’s dichotomy

The earth spins, as we feel our minds wander across all of the possibilities that life could be. We unbalance it for a moment. The creative spark igniting the torch, we see all of the possibilities of the future.

We create this ever changing miraculous world we live in, yet sometimes we don’t even realise who is behind the wheel steering us into the tomorrow. We have the opportunity to create such wonderful moments, to rise above all of the destruction we sometimes see. But other times we welcome the disaster.

Perhaps their is beauty in the broken, in the pure release of it all. It’s so honest. So brave. It is a mirror of the strength that our souls carry and gives others hope to know that we can overcome even the darkest of times.

Light is beautiful, but it is only perceived as beauty because of this dichotomy. Perhaps it makes us feel powerful and like we have control. Or perhaps it’s the sheer joy knowing you aren’t in the grips of darkness when you are in fact in the light.

But there is beauty in both and when you see this, our worlds become larger. The possibilities endless and the amount of joy we gain from life, infinite. Never judge in a moment as there are always many shades yet to come. The next may be even brighter than before and even from the darkest still shines hope

The storm ☔️

The window panes shook from an angry voice, hallow and gruff, he rumbled with noise. He clapped his hands with a fiery slap. He rubbed his brow, sweat going splititty splat.

He then spoke to me. Each word as a breeze, of fiery breath that could freeze. My heart beat faster and faster still. When you gaze at him, his eyes they chill.

Why oh why so mad, I asked of him? What have I done? Then CRASH went the tin.

Have I been bad just laying here? Why so loud? Please don’t come in.

He replied to me with a mournful growl, a flood of tears then came crashing on down. I realised then it wasn’t anger he shed, just sadness, and worry, while I was laying there in my bed.

His heart ached, as did mine of the fear we both felt. As the world crumbled beneath us, both our hearts did melt. We talked then for hours of worries of woes. Now every time I hear him I feel I’m not alone.

You are free

To those of us who understand what forever means, that understand the true meaning of permanence and that have felt the heart ache of a diagnosis that changes years or entire life times rather than just weeks or months of a life. You are a soldier, fighting a battle that no one sees but it’s immensity weighs in your every thought and breath. You are stronger than you could ever quantify in words or award in grand gestures. You have a gift that in this world most can’t appreciate.

An inspiration to the few that can fully feel the burden you bear and see the wonderment in your nobel actions and achievements. Your soul pristine white and glowing from the inside. There is a reason you’ve been chosen for such an epic battle and it is because your soul can teach so much to those still in the dark. You light their way but in doing so, just as any torch, your form must burn into nothingness until the last drop of light is extracted.

May your light live on in the people’s lives that you’ve touched, like a fire which spreads from the burning embers and from this may your form evolve into something far more beautiful than this earthly place could have ever imagined for you. You have surpassed and risen above all the insignificant wantings of a human. You are free

(I wrote this thinking of a friend that lost their battle with cancer) R.I.P xoxox

Speaking too soon

By chance we met but it felt like something more like fate. Like every accident, hiccup and suspected wrong turn, every relationship gone wrong, had all led me back here to you & it was the most glorious place to find myself. I felt free, I felt unstoppable, I felt like the real me before the world had gotten to me. The little hairs stood up on the back of my neck. There was instant electricity that sparked between us, it was like two magnets getting drawn together and everyone around us noticed the glow from our spark.

I never could have imagined something so perfect happening, but there I was starring into the eyes of this man, you, who turned my world around and made me feel incredible again. You made me feel like there was a possibility to be happy again in love. That maybe I could have my very own little piece of a fairy tale and meet a soul mate that just got me & I got them.

I want to be able to pause my story there & give a happily ever after but life has never seemed to be so straight with me or warm. Perhaps there is still a chance, or maybe my fears are proven correct once again. I think I merely speak too soon & get swept up in the emotion of it all when I feel so deeply. It catches me by surprise and I become shocked at my own reactions to things as my mind leaves my body.

I wish I had of just bit my tongue & held off on speaking out any of my feelings, or at least that you could have understood that it didn’t come out exactly how it was meant. I knew it wasn’t the time to say these things, but you queried my inner ramblings as I looked thoughtfully towards you. I just got carried away with the moment of feeling hope flood my heart again. No final decisions or grand romantic gestures. Just the feeling of peace, excitement and wonder.

I had been white knuckling my life for many years with all that has been thrust upon me in my life and so the build up and release of emotion was more than it should have been. I am the woman you met in that initial moment – Carefree, confident, relaxed, open & quick witted. I feel I stifled the spark and I’m sorry for that like you wouldn’t believe. Please don’t make a final judgement on us from one single glitch. Know that it was merely just a heart opening for the first time in many years & like a small child taking their first steps she stumbled & crashed head on carelessly into you.

She will be patient yet again, she is strong, she is independent and able. She was just naive & got caught up in the possibility of it all. She never meant to scare you

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