Immortality

I got struck with this feeling today. Little morbid I guess but I don’t mind talking about taboo subjects (they’re only taboo because they either confront people about their own sense of control in their life or they embarrass people because of their own insecurities). I thought if I were to physically die tomorrow and I had set up my little app to keep posting those same pics we all do everyday on Instagram and Facebook, and all those enlightened quotes – I’d go on living in the lives of all those that “keep in touch” from afar through actions I did before I passed. It would probably take a long time before anyone would realise. Until of course it leaked on social media from someone who truly knows you. But theoretically I could live on for many years past my actual expiry date.

A friend of mine died a couple of years ago now, he took his own life and it amazes me to watch on and see the communication keep going on his page. It’s a space now for all those who loved him to voice their woes and deepest thoughts to him. Like a secret meeting place, or hidden journal. It’s really beautiful to know we are not all forgot long after we leave this earthly place. It’s just sad that the love we feel sometimes never gets expressed until the time has run out.

It just really struck a chord with me today. Do any of you still keep in contact with loved ones on the other side through a social media page like that? It’s a beautiful sentiment but then I think, where were we all when they were here in physical form. We get so caught up in our lives and career goals that we sometimes forget to stop and smell the roses 🌹have a laugh, get a little messy or ridiculous and just live. Life is so damn short. Social media isn’t real life and it’s never a true depiction of how someone is doing. Reach out to your friends, be kind to one another and never go to bed on an argument and I’m sure you won’t be disappointed or ever have to take the deepest of regrets to your own grave. The regret of not being there for someone you love, purely from being busy or thinking there’s always time. Make every moment count in the now. Don’t wait for tomorrow as sometimes it never comes xoxoxo

Reflections…

Don’t judge me by my coldness now, judge me by the person I was before I was damaged by you. That is the real me.

To you, I am only a product of all the things you did and said to me. I’m no idiot I understood more than you know of your lies.

This is why I changed before your eyes. Recoiling in fear from being lovingly and carefully mistreated.

You did it in such a way that you made me feel bad for your errors, taking them on as my own.

I am open, kind & loving. But to you I now seem closed off, bitter & distant. That is not me, but the reflection of your own actions and inner self.

A mirror turned inward can be one of the most confronting and painful things to experience, especially when you realise it’s true source.

I knew…

I walked straight into your eyes, pools of light that made me high. You held me tight and told me why there was no reason to fight or fear.

But night soon came, I was doomed from the start. I knew this already with my broken heart. We danced in moonlight, bare skin, glistening bright. You moved in me and took me high.

As our bodies melted, your lips eased my soul. My neck all a quiver. Skin now brailed with gold.

I wish you hadn’t come. I was doomed from the start and who’s here now to mend my sobering heart?

I trusted words knowing all too well, they were words to entice, not words to uphold.

I retreat now back into the dark, away from the bright lights of promise, away from that spark.

I knew that I was doomed from the start.

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