You know what?
I’m happy I tried
No matter what decision was made
At least I’m alive
Heart was pure
You faked some love
Eyes wide
Now I say goodbye
Not sure what the games meant
How anyone would have fun
Just to lie
But I love me for me
And my honesty a prize
No one can take that
maybe dull my shine for a while
But I’ll come back brighter
And I will rise
A phoenix from the ashes
And you?
A dusty demise
You just wait
These things just take time
Look for me in tomorrow
Long gone to the skies
It was you all along
Just couldn’t see the
forest through the trees
Mind got angry
Heart only ever
wanted to please
The love of my life
gone and now my heart
just yearns to appease
We never lost the love truly
Just went through some unease
Needed to figure things out
Align the timing, our needs.
If we ever met again I know life would
let me breathe
Still feel the hurt from when I had to
watch you leave
And for now, I grieve
Remain silent & you’ll know exactly what an individual is thinking, because they will make assumptions based on their own thoughts or insecurities & pass them off as observations of their external experience.
But sometimes…
That means a stalemate of two stubborn souls, both waiting in deafening silence for the other to show. One has to break the rule and open a door, or at least a window, voice their thoughts, and if they want more, lean into discomfort, be loud, be clear, to find the bridge back home.
32 years since I’ve seen your face, since I’ve held your hands or heard your voice. 32 years of longing.
I still remember the twang of electric pain shoot through my body and throat as I heard those words… “he died last night”.
The stillness was deafening, the finality I want to say overwhelming as I slammed the phone down, but so much more than this. I still haven’t found the words, in 32 years of longing.
You were always my safe haven, the ear to listen and the shoulder to cry on. You were my whole world, until my world was swiftly taken.
32 years of longing, and I have still never found respite. Still searching for you in every face, in every day that goes by.
32 years of longing even though my child mind is now grown. 32 years foreboding, waiting for another foot to fall, perhaps my own.
32 years, thiiiirty twoooo yeaaaars, I’ve been longer without than ever with. The moment you left us was the moment I wished to leave too. I knew I’d never find such love again, I just knew.
And 32 years has proven me right. Time and time again. My heart still aches my tears still wet, as I try hold on through the fear.
32 years. 32 years.
JaxTrax 