Don’t believe what social media tells you about someone’s life…

I just wanted to post this in hopes that it might make people think a little deeper about our society and how we relate to each other, as well as how mental health gets swept under the carpet due to it still absurdly been thought of as taboo.

OK so my picture here: all smiles and I look like I’m relaxed and calm right?

Well it couldn’t be further from the truth. I have very recently just fallen back into a very deep and dark depression after several years of being OK. As far as social media is concerned though I’m doing great, modeling, loving life, see friends often and have it all sorted so to speak. And I’m not even trying to put forth this image, I’m just posting things to distract myself, it has never been my intention to play make believe with how I am to be perceived. There’s a multitude of images old and new that say I’m acing it in life or at least have a smile on my face 99.9% of the time. Actually right now I’ve slowly been withdrawing from catching up with friends, I’ve been struggling at work but too scared to tell my employee I’m not feeling well and the reasons why, I’ve been looking in the mirror everyday and horrified at what is looking back at me as I feel ugly, used up & exhausted.

I have friends that have unfriended me and people misunderstanding me, I have been so up and down that the only things I can think of to relieve the stress is to imagine if I wasn’t here at all.

Social media has become this thing that although can be a great tool to “keep in touch” with friends in another place, and can bring feelings of togetherness even when we’re hidden away. It also masks very real social problems that our society is beginning to develop about disconnection, lack of community, lack of empathy, division and the reality of mental health issues or reality of real life in general. Nobody is up all of the time, but social media often has people scrolling through and thinking oh wow they have such a great life I have to be more like that or feeling as if they are lacking something because they aren’t perceived this way or don’t perceive themselves this way. It’s not where depression comes from, but it adds to it’s problem & veils it so it is invisible with our now more common way of communicating. My message today is, always, always, always be kind to one another. You never know the battles that someone is fighting behind those supposedly happy Facebook profiles or Insta posts. We live in a smoke and mirrors type of society. Let’s be brave & look a bit deeper & reach out to each other for real every once in a while.

#socialmediaisnotreality #beyondblue #bereal #love #kindness #smilesonlyscreendeep #survivorship

Big love 💜 xoxoxo

October 28, 2017 2

Don’t lose yourself chasing the lost…

I lost myself in trying to be what someone wanted me to be & forgot that I needed to find someone that wanted to be who I needed & was happy to support me in return. Some people step up to the challenge and become better people to be worthy of someone’s company. While others start to scrape away at your sense of self and start making you feel like you’re not enough so they can do as they please & have you fumbling over them trying to hold onto and bend backwards for something that’s not even real, thinking it’s all you deserve.

It’s so dangerous what a manipulator can do to a good heart. They draw you in wielding all the bells and whistles of a great partner & then they switch the switch and try to make you chase them for it making you believe you did something wrong. The psychology behind this is so interesting but I see it happen everyday to intelligent, amazing women and men & it baffles me that we put up with it for as long as we do, sometimes never getting out of it’s grips.

A lover should be someone that has your back, and you have theirs, someone that never ignores you even when you’ve fought, someone that wants only the best for you and you for them. You don’t have to agree on everything but the important things of respect and adoring each other are a must. Love can never be a one sided street or it becomes toxic and eats up the person that’s forced to chase & can make even the strongest of hearts and minds crumble and twirl off into a desperate spiral of confusion, and heartbreak while they are led on. Eventually all that is left is an empty shell of one’s former self.

The next love I meet, I’ll make sure they are far beyond anyone I’ve ever met. No more wanting to fix broken men, no more being a martyr because I see someone’s soft underbelly and just want them to open up & be their real selves because you’re convinced you’ve seen their true potential. Either bring it or not at all!! I don’t have time now for time wasters that don’t realise what they could have.

Tomorrow will be for me, my life, my goals, my pleasure and my future. Here’s to no more wasted years on immature men or immature people 💪💋💜

October 11, 2017 0

Dear Cancer…

“Dear Cancer, You’re a selfish needy jerk. I already told you it’s over on 4 separate occasions so please can you seriously just bugger off, nobody likes you anyway. It’s been 24 years I think now since we first met, and I’ve got to say you’ve been a jerk since day one. You took my father from me, you made me ill and scared for my life, you made me lose my hair and made me lose weight until I was the weight of a small child. You even started taking my body parts. You’ve ruined relationships that I could have been successful in if it weren’t for you. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t do anything with you in my life. My friends hate you, I hate you, my cat even hates you. Shrivel up now and disappear for good. I can’t keep having to go to all this effort to get you out of my life every few years. I’m already scarred enough as it is. You’re not welcome back!!! Unaffectionately yours, your(trying to be) ex girlfriend, Jacqueline :b hah”

This is a little exert I posted on “I had Cancer.com”
A site that is helping provide support and awareness for the young adult demographic who have gone or are going through cancer and for those caring for someone affected by this seriously shitty illness.

I figured cancer ends up being like a bit of a toxic relationship that you can’t get out of so why not talk about it as such. One thing I probably should add though is although my soon to be Ex has caused me so much drama, pain and disarray in my life, he has also taught me to be even more kind, even more empathetic and understanding.
I’m probably there more than I need to be for people sometimes and give far too many chances, but I understand the concept of finality and having your last moments with someone. I understand people make mistakes and half the time have no idea what they’re really even doing & most of us a scared sh#tless. I know that sometimes we don’t get to have a second chance with someone no matter how much we wish for it. Cancer can take and take until one day there is nothing left, and so is true for normal life’s struggles. I feel more comfortable giving more of myself each day to others than I do giving less to protect myself and one day discover that that moment I chose not to give back just happened to be my last day to every be with that person again. Life is so fleeting, we really don’t have time for such hatred and selfishness in our lives. Give love no matter what and watch the world change. Giving love can never truly end in disappointment if it’s genuine.
I’ve had to learn this all the hard way, through cancers aftermath and losing a dear friend to suicide. Just know we’re all way more vulnerable than people let on. The tough guy mentality is sometimes just a shield to protect him from his pain. Give love always x

October 10, 2017 0