The human condition…

The human condition is one of the most perplexing things there is on this beautiful earth. At the end of the day we seek nothing but connection and love but we look for it in all the wrong places. We have created this consumerist world to make money to afford to buy things that fill the void that we have created & in doing so make ourselves ill. We are told everyday of how we are lacking; on the television, in the magazines, every day in subtle ways and sometimes blatantly obvious slaps in the face by beautifully manicured and polished hands. We lap it up like we need to be told what life is all about & how to live it. Drinking up the poisonous words of some seething corporate greedy bastard entity. We aren’t even fighting people anymore, we’re fighting corporations that can’t even be confronted to be able to fight back. We are just a mere cog in this intricate and grubby new machine.

Anxiety and depression rates sky rocket as our world is supposed to be easier and more accessible, but we sit here and talk to each other through screens and type our incomprehensible expressions of love and anger towards each other and our feelings of urgency & being behind to do what we should have done. For things of love and awe sometimes there are just no words to express what you can only show through human touch or that effervescent twinkle in someone’s eye. No wonder love has become only sex and looking for bank accounts that fit someones lifestyle for some people. Nobody sees each other anymore. We walk past amazing souls each and every day, we sit next to them on the train on the early morning commute to work but we only see our own faces staring back at us, tired and worn in the reflection of our iPhones. We swipe left or right on people’s faces which reduce them to a few lines of text and a photoshopped image. We give our bodies over to strangers in the hopes that superficially being held for a night will fill us up for long enough that we can escape our perpetual feelings of loneliness if only for a moment. While we search for this connection we destroy everything in sight, we knock down reserves to build skywards to climb towards something as close to heaven as we’ll ever find. We destroy each other through our own expressions of hurt, trying to make sense of it all. As they say, “hurt people hurt people”.

But then the flip side, as humans we have this need of love which shows us just how fragile and real we can be. It exposes our soft little underbellies as we grunt and put on that tough guy face and say “I don’t need anyone”. It’s such a sad day to know some will never experience true happiness as they chase these corporate made dreams and subdue that little voice buried deep deep down in the pits of their stomachs. Some appreciate the twinkle of a diamond more than the spark that ignites between two people made for each other – JLF (JaxTrax)

(I’d just like to add, I don’t only see the world in this way, reading back it seems so one sided and negative, this was a mere snap shot of a thought I had while sitting on the train going home from an appointment haha. It’s just showing the cracks in society and the pitfalls we sometimes succumb to unknowingly, if down trodden long enough. It’s more about the lack of connection I felt that day from people around me) hugs. Big love xoxo

Hope

A small tear falls gently on the floor as a fragile ember burns from the hope of a more simple day. A day when love is enough and people speak the truth. Not hiding from all the egoic walls that we’ve helped build. I’ll hold my breath and sit in the silence as I wait for this match to ignite – JLF (JaxTrax)

First official blog post

Hi there,

I just wanted to tell you a little bit about myself and why I started this blog 🙂

I’m so new to blogging and really haven’t a clue what I’m doing yet, but had this massive urge to start sharing my thoughts and poetry with you all. I’m a creative person that just wants to make sense of my life and this crazy world we live in. I try to do this through poetry, photography and writing the odd song here and there. You can hear some tracks I’ve sung on, on SoundCloud.

I’m a recent graduate from an undergraduate Psychology degree and I’m an advocate for a youth cancer charity called “You Can“. This charity is helping to build specialist cancer facilities throughout Australia for 16-30 year old youths dealing with cancer. Survival rates for this age group can diminish by up to 50%, they no longer fit under pediatric care in hospital systems and so have less access to clinical trials and are cared for amongst the dying elderly, giving them a not so pleasant environment to be fighting for their lives. I’m also an ambassador for “I had Cancer.com” which is creating an online platform to help link young cancer suffers over the internet so they can connect and speak to real people and hopefully not feel so alone in their diagnosis and journey.

I’ve currently survived 4 cancers, the first when I was 9 years old where I was diagnosed with Non-hodgkins Lymphoma and underwent surgery and 6 months of chemotherapy. Again when I was 24 years old with a Wilm’s tumour (normally in 1-5 year old children)  where I had a radical nephrectomy, radiation and another 6 months of chemo and then again at 32 with a Papillary Carcinoma (follicular variant) which then relapsed once. I’m currently 33 and still waiting on a completely clear result from my doctors and must say I’ve experienced some pretty intense and interesting things over the course of my treatments and just through life in general. Ever since my second diagnosis I have been passionate about helping other people still going through their cancer journey. I feel there is a great need for a better understanding of after care once treatment stops. Life does not just go back to normal like after recovering from a cold or broken leg. There are many physical, psychological and emotional scars that can take sometime to heal and even longer without the right understanding and support as people transition from patient to survivor.

I’m going to use this blog as a means to be open with people and share my journey so far and where its lead me to today and into the future. I hope that some of what I say is useful to anyone out there that might need some insight into some of this kind of thing and that some just find it entertaining if you enjoy poetry, creative writing and the way I choose to natter about my thoughts haha. Though it’s more all about the human condition, even if the topic of overcoming cancer isn’t of interest to you. We all struggle, we all have wins, my posts will be about the human spirit and everything it can overcome. Sending out a whole lot of love, & hoping I get some back.
Big hugs, now lets get personal lol xoxoxo

I believe this is what they call growth…

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I’m nervous to post this as it’s a bit of a mind blurt from when I woke up this morning but here goes…some creative writing from me……..
“Maybe hell is disguised as a paradise with all the things that you could ever ask for. Then slowly but surely and painfully all those things get taken from you one by one until you are standing there left bare with only yourself that must help you to rise again into whatever the reality of what a true Utopia would look like. Soul bare and heart open we must climb back up to find our own inner peace of mind again, climbing away from the downward spiraling heartache and awful gut feelings we didn’t listen to as we reached for something that was perhaps not meant for us or that we ignored when we should have taken note.

We live with such masks on these days I think it’s so hard to tell fact from fiction. That we begin even fooling ourselves. A simple life can bring us down but in reality up; to view all the things we missed but we must walk through some of the painful honest truths of that climb down first. Like an Escher staircase it’s hard to know what is up and what is down. We are magical creatures that don’t even understand just how magical we truly are without all the bells and whistles. Just us, naked, stripped of robes, glistening in all our glory as we become real with ourselves, we shall find peace again on earth. Nothing we buy, sell, or do to serve our ego can ever fill us to the point of contentment. The modern world has vibrationally slowed that I can sometimes almost hear her screeching and moaning to a premature halt.

I’m not religious, I was never brought up that way, but ponder whether perhaps the many words and scripts are metaphors for what we go through as people. So that only things are revealed to those that are ready and willing when the timing is right. Or the specific lesson that is needed comes forward in an obvious fashion so we can better grasp it with our own free will & decisiveness.
I hope I find my feet again once more.

I believe this is what they call growth.” – Jacqueline Freestone xx

Lots of love

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