insight – Page 3

My feet on dry land but I feel like I am drowning. Drowning, sinking, into a thick heavy liquid of un-poured cement. I am scared if I settle for even a moment I’ll be buried in the heaviness forever. 50 feet under, petrified in grey. I must keep churning to keep the flow.

My body falls away as my minds turbulent spin distracts me. I can’t think my way out like before. I can’t move. I can’t breath.

I am trapped in an invisible vortex. Things seem calm on the outside but gravity is heavier here inside my mind. Each attempt at freedom only burrows me deeper within the cement as I try to crawl through the path I’ve been dealt. Sometimes I just wish it would swallow me whole so that I didn’t have to keep forcing my way. It felt so pointless now. Why am I so shackled when everyone else seems so free, so light, so carefree? They walk on air while I carry the worlds weight with each step.

The energies that be have me surrounded and my only way out, I can’t even be sure exists. Do I clutch onto hope to no avail? My finger tips and knuckles white from holding on too long. My nails starting to bleed from the pressure, knuckles are torn. Is this it? Don’t show me a sign, but lead the way. I can not handle cryptic gestures any longer. I need it to be real. Pull me through to the other side.

Don’t judge me by my coldness now, judge me by the person I was before I was damaged by you. That is the real me.

To you, I am only a product of all the things you did and said to me. I’m no idiot I understood more than you know of your lies.

This is why I changed before your eyes. Recoiling in fear from being lovingly and carefully mistreated.

You did it in such a way that you made me feel bad for your errors, taking them on as my own.

I am open, kind & loving. But to you I now seem closed off, bitter & distant. That is not me, but the reflection of your own actions and inner self.

A mirror turned inward can be one of the most confronting and painful things to experience, especially when you realise it’s true source.

Sometimes I believe we are more of what we are running from than what we are running towards – JLF

The earth spins, as we feel our minds wander across all of the possibilities that life could be. We unbalance it for a moment. The creative spark igniting the torch, we see all of the possibilities of the future.

We create this ever changing miraculous world we live in, yet sometimes we don’t even realise who is behind the wheel steering us into the tomorrow. We have the opportunity to create such wonderful moments, to rise above all of the destruction we sometimes see. But other times we welcome the disaster.

Perhaps their is beauty in the broken, in the pure release of it all. It’s so honest. So brave. It is a mirror of the strength that our souls carry and gives others hope to know that we can overcome even the darkest of times.

Light is beautiful, but it is only perceived as beauty because of this dichotomy. Perhaps it makes us feel powerful and like we have control. Or perhaps it’s the sheer joy knowing you aren’t in the grips of darkness when you are in fact in the light.

But there is beauty in both and when you see this, our worlds become larger. The possibilities endless and the amount of joy we gain from life, infinite. Never judge in a moment as there are always many shades yet to come. The next may be even brighter than before and even from the darkest night still shines hope