The human condition…

The human condition is one of the most perplexing things there is on this beautiful earth. At the end of the day we seek nothing but connection and love but we look for it in all the wrong places. We have created this consumerist world to make money to afford to buy things that fill the void that we have created & in doing so make ourselves ill. We are told everyday of how we are lacking; on the television, in the magazines, every day in subtle ways and sometimes blatantly obvious slaps in the face by beautifully manicured and polished hands. We lap it up like we need to be told what life is all about & how to live it. Drinking up the poisonous words of some seething corporate greedy bastard entity. We aren’t even fighting people anymore, we’re fighting corporations that can’t even be confronted to be able to fight back. We are just a mere cog in this intricate and grubby new machine.

Anxiety and depression rates sky rocket as our world is supposed to be easier and more accessible, but we sit here and talk to each other through screens and type our incomprehensible expressions of love and anger towards each other and our feelings of urgency & being behind to do what we should have done. For things of love and awe sometimes there are just no words to express what you can only show through human touch or that effervescent twinkle in someone’s eye. No wonder love has become only sex and looking for bank accounts that fit someones lifestyle for some people. Nobody sees each other anymore. We walk past amazing souls each and every day, we sit next to them on the train on the early morning commute to work but we only see our own faces staring back at us, tired and worn in the reflection of our iPhones. We swipe left or right on people’s faces which reduce them to a few lines of text and a photoshopped image. We give our bodies over to strangers in the hopes that superficially being held for a night will fill us up for long enough that we can escape our perpetual feelings of loneliness if only for a moment. While we search for this connection we destroy everything in sight, we knock down reserves to build skywards to climb towards something as close to heaven as we’ll ever find. We destroy each other through our own expressions of hurt, trying to make sense of it all. As they say, “hurt people hurt people”.

But then the flip side, as humans we have this need of love which shows us just how fragile and real we can be. It exposes our soft little underbellies as we grunt and put on that tough guy face and say “I don’t need anyone”. It’s such a sad day to know some will never experience true happiness as they chase these corporate made dreams and subdue that little voice buried deep deep down in the pits of their stomachs. Some appreciate the twinkle of a diamond more than the spark that ignites between two people made for each other – JLF (JaxTrax)

(I’d just like to add, I don’t only see the world in this way, reading back it seems so one sided and negative, this was a mere snap shot of a thought I had while sitting on the train going home from an appointment haha. It’s just showing the cracks in society and the pitfalls we sometimes succumb to unknowingly, if down trodden long enough. It’s more about the lack of connection I felt that day from people around me) hugs. Big love xoxo

Hope

A small tear falls gently on the floor as a fragile ember burns from the hope of a more simple day. A day when love is enough and people speak the truth. Not hiding from all the egoic walls that we’ve helped build. I’ll hold my breath and sit in the silence as I wait for this match to ignite – JLF (JaxTrax)

Don’t believe what social media tells you about someone’s life…

I just wanted to post this in hopes that it might make people think a little deeper about our society and how we relate to each other, as well as how mental health gets swept under the carpet due to it still absurdly been thought of as taboo.

OK so my picture here: all smiles and I look like I’m relaxed and calm right?

Well it couldn’t be further from the truth. I have very recently just fallen back into a very deep and dark depression after several years of being OK. As far as social media is concerned though I’m doing great, modeling, loving life, see friends often and have it all sorted so to speak. And I’m not even trying to put forth this image, I’m just posting things to distract myself, it has never been my intention to play make believe with how I am to be perceived. There’s a multitude of images old and new that say I’m acing it in life or at least have a smile on my face 99.9% of the time. Actually right now I’ve slowly been withdrawing from catching up with friends, I’ve been struggling at work but too scared to tell my employee I’m not feeling well and the reasons why, I’ve been looking in the mirror everyday and horrified at what is looking back at me as I feel ugly, used up & exhausted.

I have friends that have unfriended me and people misunderstanding me, I have been so up and down that the only things I can think of to relieve the stress is to imagine if I wasn’t here at all.

Social media has become this thing that although can be a great tool to “keep in touch” with friends in another place, and can bring feelings of togetherness even when we’re hidden away. It also masks very real social problems that our society is beginning to develop about disconnection, lack of community, lack of empathy, division and the reality of mental health issues or reality of real life in general. Nobody is up all of the time, but social media often has people scrolling through and thinking oh wow they have such a great life I have to be more like that or feeling as if they are lacking something because they aren’t perceived this way or don’t perceive themselves this way. It’s not where depression comes from, but it adds to it’s problem & veils it so it is invisible with our now more common way of communicating. My message today is, always, always, always be kind to one another. You never know the battles that someone is fighting behind those supposedly happy Facebook profiles or Insta posts. We live in a smoke and mirrors type of society. Let’s be brave & look a bit deeper & reach out to each other for real every once in a while.

#socialmediaisnotreality #beyondblue #bereal #love #kindness #smilesonlyscreendeep #survivorship

Big love 💜 xoxoxo

Don’t lose yourself chasing the lost…

I lost myself in trying to be what someone wanted me to be & forgot that I needed to find someone that wanted to be who I needed & was happy to support me in return. Some people step up to the challenge and become better people to be worthy of someone’s company. While others start to scrape away at your sense of self and start making you feel like you’re not enough so they can do as they please & have you fumbling over them trying to hold onto and bend backwards for something that’s not even real, thinking it’s all you deserve.

It’s so dangerous what a manipulator can do to a good heart. They draw you in wielding all the bells and whistles of a great partner & then they switch the switch and try to make you chase them for it making you believe you did something wrong. The psychology behind this is so interesting but I see it happen everyday to intelligent, amazing women and men & it baffles me that we put up with it for as long as we do, sometimes never getting out of it’s grips.

A lover should be someone that has your back, and you have theirs, someone that never ignores you even when you’ve fought, someone that wants only the best for you and you for them. You don’t have to agree on everything but the important things of respect and adoring each other are a must. Love can never be a one sided street or it becomes toxic and eats up the person that’s forced to chase & can make even the strongest of hearts and minds crumble and twirl off into a desperate spiral of confusion, and heartbreak while they are led on. Eventually all that is left is an empty shell of one’s former self.

The next love I meet, I’ll make sure they are far beyond anyone I’ve ever met. No more wanting to fix broken men, no more being a martyr because I see someone’s soft underbelly and just want them to open up & be their real selves because you’re convinced you’ve seen their true potential. Either bring it or not at all!! I don’t have time now for time wasters that don’t realise what they could have.

Tomorrow will be for me, my life, my goals, my pleasure and my future. Here’s to no more wasted years on immature men or immature people 💪💋💜

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