When you love someone but they can’t meet you, or maybe you can’t meet them where they need to be met. It’s one of the most frustrating, heartbreaking & sad human experiences to be had. All the wonderful potential just stagnant and waiting idle, treading water and holding one’s breath. You just wish for a miracle and for things to be returned not just temporarily but consistently and without measure. But all that happens instead is maladaptive coping tactics that try to hide the shame and anxiety of not feeling enough, or the confusion of not knowing what to feel, a push and pull game occurs. Love can be such an elusive thing in an age where people only wish to share highlight reels. But love is no game, yet many are merely players.
What they see
People think they see me
But they don’t see anything that’s there
They miss my heart, my kindness
My soul as it lays bare
Physical form, it blinds some
It keeps away our true light
Distracts us from our purpose
Chasing fantasies into the night
It’s OK
It’s ok to have a freckle on your face
As long as it’s in the perfect place
It’s ok to have curls
All wild and long
Streaming down, but never coming undone
It‘s ok to have some extra fat
As long as it’s placed where you guys want it at
It’s ok to work a medial job
As long as you don’t mind being called a bogan slob
It’s ok to be short
As long as you wish to not date
It’s ok to have small breasts
As long as you understand your unsexy fate
It’s ok to be very old
As long as you wish to be alone
It’s ok to be a poor man
As long as you wish to never own your home
It’s ok to be ill
It’s ok to be sick in the head
As long as you afford the drugs
But don’t expect sympathy lying in your bed
It’s ok to be many things
But mostly it’s just not
It’s always easier for the other
But if it’s you, it’s not
Try and think outside your space
Just consider another’s shoes
Would you really walk much further
Could you really choose?
Sometimes things are out of reach
No matter what we do
So be a little kinder dear
You’ve got nothing else to prove
What I really wanted
What I really wanted was for you to bare your soul.
To show me all the little pieces where no one else could go.
I searched for you in every face, in every passer by.
But as the days progressed I could see it was all a waste of time
What I really wanted was for you to crave my soul.
To pick up all those pieces that you spread. Put me back, make me whole.
You never even turned your head to see if I’m still there. As I lay there bleeding from the heartache as you left.
What I really wanted was for you to never leave. To hold me in your arms. Hold me close, just squeeze.
You’ll never understand the love I had that was true. Insecurity ate it up spat it out, you never knew.
I just wanted you to see every good thought and good deed. But everything you twisted into some kind of negativity make believe.
But I meant every word and I meant so much more. Just wanted you to feel I always held open that door.
There was no other man. No other prize. I just wanted you for you. You were perfect in my eyes.
What I really wanted was for you to treat me kind. Not to push me to till I break. Test my waters till I cried.
I wanted nothing more than for you to have your success. Just to see you happy to have nothing but the best.
Instead you moved on. Like I never meant a thing. I guess you’ll never understand just exactly what I was offering.
What I really wanted and all I’ll ever need, it was you all along. No one else could ever supersede.
JaxTrax 