32 years since I’ve seen your face, since I’ve held your hands or heard your voice. 32 years of longing.

I still remember the twang of electric pain shoot through my body and throat as I heard those words… “he died last night”. 

The stillness was deafening, the finality I want to say overwhelming as I slammed the phone down, but so much more than this. I still haven’t found the words, in 32 years of longing.  

You were always my safe haven, the ear to listen and the shoulder to cry on. You were my whole world, until my world was swiftly taken. 

32 years of longing, and I have still never found respite. Still searching for you in every face, in every day that goes by. 

32 years of longing even though my child mind is now grown. 32 years foreboding, waiting for another foot to fall, perhaps my own. 

32 years, thiiiirty twoooo yeaaaars, I’ve been longer without than ever with. The moment you left us was the moment I wished to leave too. I knew I’d never find such love again, I just knew. 

And 32 years has proven me right. Time and time again. My heart still aches my tears still wet, as I try hold on through the fear. 

32 years. 32 years.