Poems and prose about mortality, fragility, cancer, humanity, love & life. It’s not escapism but reality or the reality of a moment
We had a whole conversation with our eyes. Maybe one day our lips would too. I want to know all of you & what every little glint meant in that moment. Like a fire works display they came alive as did my heart. The warmth from our souls shone through and for once, I felt safe, at peace. I was home.
You are the moon. I’m at the whim of your too and fro. My heart strings dance as you tug them this way then that. I rise and fall gently at first, but the oceans in me have become more turbulent now with each ambivalent step you take.
I can no longer see the shoreline. I am at sea lost and riding the waves. The darkness has fallen around me so I can no longer see it coming, as the waves crash down on top of me. I’m drowning in this ocean tide. A rip taking me so far away from myself that I’m not sure I even have the strength to return. My arms and heart heavy now, trembling with exhaustion.
I’m looking for a life buoy to keep me afloat. But I know it’s only me who can save me now. I pluck up the courage to keep pulling my way through, each laboured stroke one moment closer to shore, but then each wave crashes and takes me miles more out to sea. Maybe now I just have to give in and let go, ride the rip tide to another shore, find myself on islands untouched so I can put my feet firmly back on solid ground. I need the sun to guide my way as the moons pull is still too strong.
And then I realised, it was me who was unwilling to open up. I hadn’t been myself. No wonder my sense of self was being questioned by him. My sense of purpose. I hadn’t let anyone know who I am. But little did he know, I was everything and more. Not less. I was just waiting for him to meet me there with some gentleness. I held space
Confidence does not automatically mean you are competent. It does not mean you have your shit together. It can by all means show that you’re a lost little scared child that’s too fearful to show any vulnerability. In doing so you shut off and pretend not to feel, in the hopes you protect your soft little underbelly. Feeling is one of the strongest things we can do in life. To feel is to be human, to be fragile or to be heroic. Feeling will give you something back that hardening your fearful heart never will. You will grow. You might feel pain. But you will rise above it and become something even more magnificent than before. Never be afraid to feel, it’s the only pathway we have back to love – JLF
JaxTrax 