Heart strings

We don’t know where we’re going, just like stardust we’re still floating in the air.

But my heart it’s still beating has the resin on my heart strings from you there. It’s so unfair.

Was only such a short time, full of ups and downs like waves across the sea, but boy weren’t the highs higher than any mountain I’ve ever seen.

I hope some day we look back on our times & laugh at just how silly that we were. To almost put this spark out, with our head strong ways and darling if you please…

Can i introduce myself now to the man that I was too scared to really see.

August 6, 2020 0

A place to hide

Escape before your heart’s alight

That’s what they said to me.

But what’s the point in living on

If love’s nowhere to be seen

Open up and pull me in

I want a space to hide

Away from all our struggles

Away from all these lies

You look right through, but don’t connect It’s like we’re playing games

You move in me. We make amends but

Now I’m cast to sea

Can’t help just what I’m feeling.

Can’t save you from the past.

But today’s the day I walk away

I hope this thing called love will last

July 7, 2020 2

Ocean tides

You are the moon. I’m at the whim of your too and fro. My heart strings dance as you tug them this way then that. I rise and fall gently at first, but the oceans in me have become more turbulent now with each ambivalent step you take.

I can no longer see the shoreline. I am at sea lost and riding the waves. The darkness has fallen around me so I can no longer see it coming, as the waves crash down on top of me. I’m drowning in this ocean tide. A rip taking me so far away from myself that I’m not sure I even have the strength to return. My arms and heart heavy now, trembling with exhaustion.

I’m looking for a life buoy to keep me afloat. But I know it’s only me who can save me now. I pluck up the courage to keep pulling my way through, each laboured stroke one moment closer to shore, but then each wave crashes and takes me miles more out to sea. Maybe now I just have to give in and let go, ride the rip tide to another shore, find myself on islands untouched so I can put my feet firmly back on solid ground. I need the sun to guide my way as the moons pull is still too strong.

April 21, 2020 0

To the other side

My feet on dry land but I feel like I am drowning. Drowning, sinking, into a thick heavy liquid of un-poured cement. I am scared if I settle for even a moment I’ll be buried in the heaviness forever. 50 feet under, petrified in grey. I must keep churning to keep the flow.

My body falls away as my minds turbulent spin distracts me. I can’t think my way out like before. I can’t move. I can’t breath.

I am trapped in an invisible vortex. Things seem calm on the outside but gravity is heavier here inside my mind. Each attempt at freedom only burrows me deeper within the cement as I try to crawl through the path I’ve been dealt. Sometimes I just wish it would swallow me whole so that I didn’t have to keep forcing my way. It felt so pointless now. Why am I so shackled when everyone else seems so free, so light, so carefree? They walk on air while I carry the worlds weight with each step.

The energies that be have me surrounded and my only way out, I can’t even be sure exists. Do I clutch onto hope to no avail? My finger tips and knuckles white from holding on too long. My nails starting to bleed from the pressure, knuckles are torn. Is this it? Don’t show me a sign, but lead the way. I can not handle cryptic gestures any longer. I need it to be real. Pull me through to the other side.

July 10, 2019 0