To Nicole, thanks for caring…

I was literally thinking in my head f#ck Sydney. I stared down at the two ripped paper bags that once held my heavy groceries sprawled out on the pavement and the tomato can that was rolling hurriedly out onto the road into oncoming traffic. I had had enough, I was exhausted both mentally and physically from mostly people being dicks to me and having had the recent experience of the ghost from x’s past swirling around my head. I gave in threw my hands up in the air as people walked by and watched me as I mouthed f#ck my life quietly to myself. It’s funny how when everything seems to go wrong in one day, your mind fabulously brings up every issue from your past. Soon my thoughts were reminiscing 4 cancers, a few deaths, losses and just a struggle street life that was dragging me down even further or maybe that had been on repeat this whole week anyway.

I finally with much struggle, managed to scrunch up the torn bags and empty everything from the three bags into one and a tiny backpack. I carried the final bag tenderly trying not to spill the precious yet now dented cargo and proceeded to cross the street. I was done with Sydney, I was done with people that just take from me, I was just done and embarrassingly enough to say was even fantasising necking myself so I didn’t have to wake up for a following day of life’s bullsh#t. Just then as I totally had it all decided on, I see a figure in the dark walking towards me shaking a plastic bag around. At a second glance she was waving it right at me and smiling. She said she’d seen me and the epic bag failure and had run down to the dry cleaners to pick up a plastic bag for me. Omg tears welled in my eyes that I managed to fight back (at least in her presence), I was so stupidly grateful you just can’t even put it into words how grateful I was. Even though I was kind of back on my feet and moving, just the idea of someone, a complete stranger, caring enough to do this for me made me lose it and get all emotional. Her name was Nicole and I’m assuming lived in the Bondi area.

I just wanted to write this little snippet to say a massive thank you once again and to highlight the fact that you truly just never know what a small act of kindness could do for someone, something even deeper than the act itself would seemingly have the power of doing. She was a serious angel sent down in that moment, and I know it sounds over the top to say that and make such a big deal. But it literally saved me on a deeper level than just broken paper bags and groceries. Life is super strange. If you can, always always show compassion. We’re all in this together and kindness doesn’t cost a cent xoxox

April 3, 2018 0

No assumptions…

I’m starting to believe that assumption can be found at the root of every relationship break down. I’ve had so many friends currently going through relationship issues and it seems when you really start exploring the common thread that shows up again and again it’s that some kind of assumption was made by one or both people before it started turning south. It’s our nature to do this as we think we’re saving time or understand something more fully than we really do. More often than not though, what we assume of someone else is nothing like the reality & we actually create disconnection & sometimes fall out with people for the wrong reasons (if only we knew at the time)

Good communication is such a necessary component to any relationship, be it friendship or romantic. We just need to learn how to be open, and to never assume anything until it’s actually directly said & clarified. It’s a very active way of existing and takes work but in the end I think this would save far more time than continuing on both seemingly together but in different head spaces. Both in a parallel but not truly connected fashion, always guessing away at the situations that arise.

We’ve seemed to have lost our ability to talk to one another these days & to be excited about actually getting to know how someone works. If they don’t match us exactly we run a mile. We don’t all have to be the same, it will never fully happen like that.

We just have to appreciate and accept how other people think and feel and consider this with our next interaction. We must also consider our biases and influences & how that feeds into these assumptions. I.e. If someone is attractive people sometimes assume they could be superficial or mean etc. Know that we will never be exactly the same as one another with how we experience and understand things. Falling in love though sometimes we just assume the other person is on the exact same page, it’s that feeling of oneness. Such an unhelpful & sometimes flawed thought to have, unless it’s genuinely true.

February 17, 2018 0

Don’t lose yourself chasing the lost…

I lost myself in trying to be what someone wanted me to be & forgot that I needed to find someone that wanted to be who I needed & was happy to support me in return. Some people step up to the challenge and become better people to be worthy of someone’s company. While others start to scrape away at your sense of self and start making you feel like you’re not enough so they can do as they please & have you fumbling over them trying to hold onto and bend backwards for something that’s not even real, thinking it’s all you deserve.

It’s so dangerous what a manipulator can do to a good heart. They draw you in wielding all the bells and whistles of a great partner & then they switch the switch and try to make you chase them for it making you believe you did something wrong. The psychology behind this is so interesting but I see it happen everyday to intelligent, amazing women and men & it baffles me that we put up with it for as long as we do, sometimes never getting out of it’s grips.

A lover should be someone that has your back, and you have theirs, someone that never ignores you even when you’ve fought, someone that wants only the best for you and you for them. You don’t have to agree on everything but the important things of respect and adoring each other are a must. Love can never be a one sided street or it becomes toxic and eats up the person that’s forced to chase & can make even the strongest of hearts and minds crumble and twirl off into a desperate spiral of confusion, and heartbreak while they are led on. Eventually all that is left is an empty shell of one’s former self.

The next love I meet, I’ll make sure they are far beyond anyone I’ve ever met. No more wanting to fix broken men, no more being a martyr because I see someone’s soft underbelly and just want them to open up & be their real selves because you’re convinced you’ve seen their true potential. Either bring it or not at all!! I don’t have time now for time wasters that don’t realise what they could have.

Tomorrow will be for me, my life, my goals, my pleasure and my future. Here’s to no more wasted years on immature men or immature people 💪💋💜

October 11, 2017 0

The naked truth is sometimes better than the story in our skeptical minds:

Sometimes we think the worst of someone because of what someone else has said to us and under the circumstances the story seems to fit so we change our perception & react. But sometimes that story that’s so believable and makes so much sense couldn’t be further from the truth. What I’ve learnt recently is that you must never let someone else alter your view of another person unless you’ve seen it first hand and even then things can be blurred and confusing. There are so many people out there it seems with ulterior motives that really just want to watch someone burn, even when they can see their target is already struggling. I never thought this was possible as I’ve always been the loving naive type I guess when it comes to matters of the heart and friendships but yeah some people are just dark on the inside & really don’t care what happens to you because of their lies & mistruths. I guess the morale to the story is, if you’re happy even though everyone else is seeing something else, then just keep your mouth shut & don’t react but find out from the source. It reminds me of this poem I read once, this basically explains the lesson I’ve learnt in one eloquent and comical prose…

“Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to

fly south for the winter. However, soon after the weather turned cold,

the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south.

After a short time, ice began to form his on his wings and he fell to

earth in a barnyard almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on this

little bird and the sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure

warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy the little sparrow

began to sing. Just then, a large Tom cat came by and hearing the

chirping investigated the sounds. As Old Tom cleared away the manure,

he found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.

There are three morals to this story:

(1) Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.