Tag: kindness

To Nicole, thanks for caring…

I was literally thinking in my head f#ck Sydney. I stared down at the two ripped paper bags that once held my heavy groceries sprawled out on the pavement and the tomato can that was rolling hurriedly out onto the road into oncoming traffic. I had had enough, I was exhausted both mentally and physically from mostly people being dicks to me and having had the recent experience of the ghost from x’s past swirling around my head. I gave in threw my hands up in the air as people walked by and watched me as I mouthed f#ck my life quietly to myself. It’s funny how when everything seems to go wrong in one day, your mind fabulously brings up every issue from your past. Soon my thoughts were reminiscing 4 cancers, a few deaths, losses and just a struggle street life that was dragging me down even further or maybe that had been on repeat this whole week anyway.

I finally with much struggle, managed to scrunch up the torn bags and empty everything from the three bags into one and a tiny backpack. I carried the final bag tenderly trying not to spill the precious yet now dented cargo and proceeded to cross the street. I was done with Sydney, I was done with people that just take from me, I was just done and embarrassingly enough to say was even fantasising necking myself so I didn’t have to wake up for a following day of life’s bullsh#t. Just then as I totally had it all decided on, I see a figure in the dark walking towards me shaking a plastic bag around. At a second glance she was waving it right at me and smiling. She said she’d seen me and the epic bag failure and had run down to the dry cleaners to pick up a plastic bag for me. Omg tears welled in my eyes that I managed to fight back (at least in her presence), I was so stupidly grateful you just can’t even put it into words how grateful I was. Even though I was kind of back on my feet and moving, just the idea of someone, a complete stranger, caring enough to do this for me made me lose it and get all emotional. Her name was Nicole and I’m assuming lived in the Bondi area.

I just wanted to write this little snippet to say a massive thank you once again and to highlight the fact that you truly just never know what a small act of kindness could do for someone, something even deeper than the act itself would seemingly have the power of doing. She was a serious angel sent down in that moment, and I know it sounds over the top to say that and make such a big deal. But it literally saved me on a deeper level than just broken paper bags and groceries. Life is super strange. If you can, always always show compassion. We’re all in this together and kindness doesn’t cost a cent xoxox

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Chatting to strangers…

I just met the most lovely woman while at the Kinghorn Cancer Centre. She was a carer and also had a son that was a carer. She was helping her friend through her session at the cancer centre who had no family to support her, and was told her friend will likely die in the next couple of weeks from an inoperable brain tumour. She said she wasn’t used to being around so many sick people all of the time. She was exhausted, stressed and was also worried about her son who is helping a friend who had become a quadriplegic in the last year. He has been refusing treatments and has become suicidal. She’s giving and giving, and worried about everyone else. I stopped and said to her “but what about you?” Although she didn’t fully acknowledge what I said, her eyes welled with tears as she stoically tried to smile through & laugh off the comment.

So many people in the world right now just have no concept of how good they have it. They have their health, they have the ability to use their limbs, to love and be loved, to choose whatever they wish to do with their day instead of being chained to a hospital waiting room for months on end. They have family who support them and never have to truly feel alone. Please choose wisely when you decide how to spend your day today. Fill it with love, not resentment or hatred. Be open and in doing so maybe make someone else’s day a little brighter. You truly never know the pain someone else is going through from a first glance. Even as I write this I have to remind myself of this thought & pull myself back up out of a depression & down week.

Keep rising xoxo

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No assumptions…

I’m starting to believe that assumption can be found at the root of every relationship break down. I’ve had so many friends currently going through relationship issues and it seems when you really start exploring the common thread that shows up again and again it’s that some kind of assumption was made by one or both people before it started turning south. It’s our nature to do this as we think we’re saving time or understand something more fully than we really do. More often than not though, what we assume of someone else is nothing like the reality & we actually create disconnection & sometimes fall out with people for the wrong reasons (if only we knew at the time)

Good communication is such a necessary component to any relationship, be it friendship or romantic. We just need to learn how to be open, and to never assume anything until it’s actually directly said & clarified. It’s a very active way of existing and takes work but in the end I think this would save far more time than continuing on both seemingly together but in different head spaces. Both in a parallel but not truly connected fashion, always guessing away at the situations that arise.

We’ve seemed to have lost our ability to talk to one another these days & to be excited about actually getting to know how someone works. If they don’t match us exactly we run a mile. We don’t all have to be the same, it will never fully happen like that.

We just have to appreciate and accept how other people think and feel and consider this with our next interaction. We must also consider our biases and influences & how that feeds into these assumptions. I.e. If someone is attractive people sometimes assume they could be superficial or mean etc. Know that we will never be exactly the same as one another with how we experience and understand things. Falling in love though sometimes we just assume the other person is on the exact same page, it’s that feeling of oneness. Such an unhelpful & sometimes flawed thought to have, unless it’s genuinely true.

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The human condition…

The human condition is one of the most perplexing things there is on this beautiful earth. At the end of the day we seek nothing but connection and love but we look for it in all the wrong places. We have created this consumerist world to make money to afford to buy things that fill the void that we have created & in doing so make ourselves ill. We are told everyday of how we are lacking; on the television, in the magazines, every day in subtle ways and sometimes blatantly obvious slaps in the face by beautifully manicured and polished hands. We lap it up like we need to be told what life is all about & how to live it. Drinking up the poisonous words of some seething corporate greedy bastard entity. We aren’t even fighting people anymore, we’re fighting corporations that can’t even be confronted to be able to fight back. We are just a mere cog in this intricate and grubby new machine.

Anxiety and depression rates sky rocket as our world is supposed to be easier and more accessible, but we sit here and talk to each other through screens and type our incomprehensible expressions of love and anger towards each other and our feelings of urgency & being behind to do what we should have done. For things of love and awe sometimes there are just no words to express what you can only show through human touch or that effervescent twinkle in someone’s eye. No wonder love has become only sex and looking for bank accounts that fit someones lifestyle for some people. Nobody sees each other anymore. We walk past amazing souls each and every day, we sit next to them on the train on the early morning commute to work but we only see our own faces staring back at us, tired and worn in the reflection of our iPhones. We swipe left or right on people’s faces which reduce them to a few lines of text and a photoshopped image. We give our bodies over to strangers in the hopes that superficially being held for a night will fill us up for long enough that we can escape our perpetual feelings of loneliness if only for a moment. While we search for this connection we destroy everything in sight, we knock down reserves to build skywards to climb towards something as close to heaven as we’ll ever find. We destroy each other through our own expressions of hurt, trying to make sense of it all. As they say, “hurt people hurt people”.

But then the flip side, as humans we have this need of love which shows us just how fragile and real we can be. It exposes our soft little underbellies as we grunt and put on that tough guy face and say “I don’t need anyone”. It’s such a sad day to know some will never experience true happiness as they chase these corporate made dreams and subdue that little voice buried deep deep down in the pits of their stomachs. Some appreciate the twinkle of a diamond more than the spark that ignites between two people made for each other – JLF (JaxTrax)

(I’d just like to add, I don’t only see the world in this way, reading back it seems so one sided and negative, this was a mere snap shot of a thought I had while sitting on the train going home from an appointment haha. It’s just showing the cracks in society and the pitfalls we sometimes succumb to unknowingly, if down trodden long enough. It’s more about the lack of connection I felt that day from people around me) hugs. Big love xoxo

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