Poems and prose about mortality, fragility, cancer, humanity, love & life. It’s not escapism but reality or the reality of a moment
It was you all along
Just couldn’t see the
forest through the trees
Mind got angry
Heart only ever
wanted to please
The love of my life
gone and now my heart
just yearns to appease
We never lost the love truly
Just went through some unease
Needed to figure things out
Align the timing, our needs.
If we ever met again I know life would
let me breathe
Still feel the hurt from when I had to
watch you leave
And for now, I grieve
32 years since I’ve seen your face, since I’ve held your hands or heard your voice. 32 years of longing.
I still remember the twang of electric pain shoot through my body and throat as I heard those words… “he died last night”.
The stillness was deafening, the finality I want to say overwhelming as I slammed the phone down, but so much more than this. I still haven’t found the words, in 32 years of longing.
You were always my safe haven, the ear to listen and the shoulder to cry on. You were my whole world, until my world was swiftly taken.
32 years of longing, and I have still never found respite. Still searching for you in every face, in every day that goes by.
32 years of longing even though my child mind is now grown. 32 years foreboding, waiting for another foot to fall, perhaps my own.
32 years, thiiiirty twoooo yeaaaars, I’ve been longer without than ever with. The moment you left us was the moment I wished to leave too. I knew I’d never find such love again, I just knew.
And 32 years has proven me right. Time and time again. My heart still aches my tears still wet, as I try hold on through the fear.
32 years. 32 years.
What I really wanted was for you to bare your soul.
To show me all the little pieces where no one else could go.
I searched for you in every face, in every passer by.
But as the days progressed I could see it was all a waste of time
What I really wanted was for you to crave my soul.
To pick up all those pieces that you spread. Put me back, make me whole.
You never even turned your head to see if I’m still there. As I lay there bleeding from the heartache as you left.
What I really wanted was for you to never leave. To hold me in your arms. Hold me close, just squeeze.
You’ll never understand the love I had that was true. Insecurity ate it up spat it out, you never knew.
I just wanted you to see every good thought and good deed. But everything you twisted into some kind of negativity make believe.
But I meant every word and I meant so much more. Just wanted you to feel I always held open that door.
There was no other man. No other prize. I just wanted you for you. You were perfect in my eyes.
What I really wanted was for you to treat me kind. Not to push me to till I break. Test my waters till I cried.
I wanted nothing more than for you to have your success. Just to see you happy to have nothing but the best.
Instead you moved on. Like I never meant a thing. I guess you’ll never understand just exactly what I was offering.
What I really wanted and all I’ll ever need, it was you all along. No one else could ever supersede.
Escape before your heart’s alight
That’s what they said to me.
But what’s the point in living on
If love’s nowhere to be seen
Open up and pull me in
I want a space to hide
Away from all our struggles
Away from all these lies
You look right through, but don’t connect It’s like we’re playing games
You move in me. We make amends but
Now I’m cast to sea
Can’t help just what I’m feeling.
Can’t save you from the past.
But today’s the day I walk away
I hope this thing called love will last
JaxTrax 