Silence

Remain silent & you’ll know exactly what an individual is thinking, because they will make assumptions based on their own thoughts or insecurities & pass them off as observations of their external experience.

But sometimes…

That means a stalemate of two stubborn souls, both waiting in deafening silence for the other to show. One has to break the rule and open a door, or at least a window, voice their thoughts, and if they want more, lean into discomfort, be loud, be clear, to find the bridge back home.

November 14, 2025 0

32 years

32 years since I’ve seen your face, since I’ve held your hands or heard your voice. 32 years of longing.

I still remember the twang of electric pain shoot through my body and throat as I heard those words… “he died last night”.

The stillness was deafening, the finality I want to say overwhelming as I slammed the phone down, but so much more than this. I still haven’t found the words, in 32 years of longing.

You were always my safe haven, the ear to listen and the shoulder to cry on. You were my whole world, until my world was swiftly taken.

32 years of longing, and I have still never found respite. Still searching for you in every face, in every day that goes by.

32 years of longing even though my child mind is now grown. 32 years foreboding, waiting for another foot to fall, perhaps my own.

32 years, thiiiirty twoooo yeaaaars, I’ve been longer without than ever with. The moment you left us was the moment I wished to leave too. I knew I’d never find such love again, I just knew.

And 32 years has proven me right. Time and time again. My heart still aches my tears still wet, as I try hold on through the fear.

32 years. 32 years.

September 6, 2025 0

The enabler

Woman to women

Just so you know

Supporting a monster

That would never let you go

It just sets you for failure

Exposes your soul

You were worried he’d end it?

What about all those yet to go?

Dancing with the devil

Blinded by the bond

A contract that’s been written

Where more will fall than one

Do you really want that end

Written down your hands in blood?

Of all the many women

That thought they too were the one

You fumbled on your words

Changing this way then that

To justify your reasons

Not realising the stat

You’d escaped many years

To save your own soul

Now you take it back for slaughter

And all those yet to go

You will be the one who

Seals the deal

Of a little lambs fate

Can’t you see his tears aren’t real

They are mere battle ships

In his wake

You told me once

His death you’d elate

But now you’ve changed your views

Humoured him and

Harmed those at stake

Why do you wait?

Can’t you see your silliness?

Can’t you see your fate?

He’s not here to save his soul

He’s just here to take and take.

It won’t be until one falls

Finally the spell may break

But honey can’t you see this truth?

By then it will be too late.

September 2, 2025 0

Open arms

Sometimes I wonder if he hated me only because I saw behind his mask. I saw the vulnerable sensitive parts of him and I was still OK with that. I loved those parts. I just wanted him to love them too.

He wanted me to fall in love only with his own delusions of what he wished he could be. He wanted fantasy over truth. But the truth was much more powerful and beautiful than any fantasy ever could be.

He was more than he believed, yet he could not allow himself out in the light for fear of being seen. What he didn’t realise was he was making himself less than, not more. I hope one day he finds his way home, into open arms.