When you love someone but they can’t meet you, or maybe you can’t meet them where they need to be met. It’s one of the most frustrating, heartbreaking & sad human experiences to be had. All the wonderful potential just stagnant and waiting idle, treading water and holding one’s breath. You just wish for a miracle and for things to be returned not just temporarily but consistently and without measure. But all that happens instead is maladaptive coping tactics that try to hide the shame and anxiety of not feeling enough, or the confusion of not knowing what to feel, a push and pull game occurs. Love can be such an elusive thing in an age where people only wish to share highlight reels. But love is no game, yet many are merely players.
I wish I might…
Just you and me and a bottle or two
Some Netflix films and before we knew.
There we were, you melting into me
and I into you.
Like gravity at triple force. Our touch
grew closer with no remorse. It was the
perfect moment, the perfect night. Like
nothing else mattered, just being held
tight. That night you changed
my life.
With electricity the sparks ignite, heart
now throbbing, is it fear or delight? I
couldn’t lose another but here’s my
plight. I still wish I may I wish I might.
What I really wanted
What I really wanted was for you to bare your soul.
To show me all the little pieces where no one else could go.
I searched for you in every face, in every passer by.
But as the days progressed I could see it was all a waste of time
What I really wanted was for you to crave my soul.
To pick up all those pieces that you spread. Put me back, make me whole.
You never even turned your head to see if I’m still there. As I lay there bleeding from the heartache as you left.
What I really wanted was for you to never leave. To hold me in your arms. Hold me close, just squeeze.
You’ll never understand the love I had that was true. Insecurity ate it up spat it out, you never knew.
I just wanted you to see every good thought and good deed. But everything you twisted into some kind of negativity make believe.
But I meant every word and I meant so much more. Just wanted you to feel I always held open that door.
There was no other man. No other prize. I just wanted you for you. You were perfect in my eyes.
What I really wanted was for you to treat me kind. Not to push me to till I break. Test my waters till I cried.
I wanted nothing more than for you to have your success. Just to see you happy to have nothing but the best.
Instead you moved on. Like I never meant a thing. I guess you’ll never understand just exactly what I was offering.
What I really wanted and all I’ll ever need, it was you all along. No one else could ever supersede.
Heart strings
We don’t know where we’re going, just like stardust we’re still floating in the air.
But my heart it’s still beating has the resin on my heart strings from you there. It’s so unfair.
Was only such a short time, full of ups and downs like waves across the sea, but boy weren’t the highs higher than any mountain I’ve ever seen.
I hope some day we look back on our times & laugh at just how silly that we were. To almost put this spark out, with our head strong ways and darling if you please…
Can i introduce myself now to the man that I was too scared to really see.
JaxTrax 